


Play Pretend

by ToxicTraitor



Series: Use Somebody [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: M/M, sparrowshipping, trashbagshipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 23:43:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3874321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTraitor/pseuds/ToxicTraitor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After travelling to the Synchro Dimension, Yuuya lays awake in his bed one night.  He receives an unexpected visitor, Kurosaki Shun.  The visit leaves him questioning how powerful Yuuto's presence in his heart actually is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry, this is my first bit of work on AO3 and this website confuses me. Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors.  
> This work may include sensitive material, confessions are made, tears are shed and people are used. Proceed with caution.  
> Please enjoy!  
> ~ Toxic

Yuuya wasn’t quite sure what had happened.  He had been speaking to Kurosaki Shun.  He remembered that.  Then things became a bit fuzzy.  He remembered Shun looking at him with an odd expression on his face.  He asked what was wrong but Shun had just shaken his head.

           That hadn’t been the first time it had happened. The same thing had happen twice this week.  He’d speak to Shun only to have trouble remembering the conversation later.  It was confusing so Yuuya would avoid speaking to him unless he needed to.

           He lay in bed one night, trying to remember what he had said to Shun to make the older boy so upset.  He couldn’t remember a single syllable.  He sighed, rolling over.  The bed was soft under him.  Reiji had made arrangements for them to stay here for the duration of their stay in the Synchro Dimension.  The place was nice, luxurious to a certain extent.

           He heard a quiet knock on the door.  He sat up in his bed and invited his guest in. He expected Gongenzaka or Serena; they both had visited him before so this wasn’t an uncommon thing. He was met with surprise when Shun opened the door.

           “Am I bothering you?” he asked quietly, he looked awkward in the doorway. The boy looked out of place and unsure about being there in Yuuya’s room.

           “No, I was just laying down,” Yuuya laughed quietly.

           Shun looked at him with that strange look again, “Can I speak to Yuuto?”

           “Yuuto?” was that what he wanted?

           “I-I know he’s there.  You’re sharing your body with him, aren’t you? I want to speak with him,”

           Yuuya shook his head, “It’s not like a light switch, Kurosaki.  I can’t just turn it on and off,”

           “Can’t you try?” Shun asked, he looked desperate, “Please?”

           Yuuya shook his head again, “I’m sorry.  I can’t.  Yuuto… he comes when he wants to,”

           Shun ran his hand through his fringe with exasperation.

           “I’m sorry,” Yuuya apologized. There was really nothing he could do.

           Shun was quiet.  He sat on the edge of Yuuya’s bed.

           “You really miss him, don’t you?” Yuuya asked quietly.

           Shun nodded, almost absentmindedly. Yuuya began to notice things about the older boy that he hadn’t before.  He noticed the color of Shun’s eyes and how endless they looked. He wondered how long he could look into them before he drowned. He noticed the hint of muscle underneath the thin fabric of Shun’s shirt. He could feel his heartbeats increasing in rate and his breathing became heavier. Shun was sitting so close and just out of reach.

           “I should go, then,” Shun muttered to himself as he stood.

           Yuuya felt his breath catch in his throat, he reached out to try and grab hold of Shun’s sleeve, “Wait,” he called.

           Shun paused, looking down at the younger boy. Yuuya watched as his eyes seemed to change color, becoming warmer and melting into gold.

           “Will you stay a little longer?” Yuuya asked; he could feel his face heating up.

           Shun hesitated, but agreed.  Yuuya beckoned for him to sit closer.  The older boy seemed uncertain; he wavered for a moment as he considered the consequences of where this action could lead him.  In the end, he chose to ignore those consequences for another night.

           Yuuya pulled him down, holding the boy closer until Shun was hovering over him.  Shun could feel Yuuya’s heart beating through the thin fabric of their shirts.  Yuuya murmured something quietly that he couldn’t quite catch.  He could feel Yuuya’s fingers tangling in his hair.

           He knew he should stop, he knew he should have but he didn’t want to.  He didn’t stop Yuuya when the smaller boy pulled him down for a kiss.  He didn’t stop the smaller boy even when their lips parted and he could taste just how sweet Yuuya was.  He didn’t stop when Yuuya pulled away to remove Shun’s shirt.

           Shun knew where this was heading.  He had been down this road enough times to know how this ended.  He was careful as he removed Yuuya’s clothing.  The younger boy turned red under his gaze.

           “Is this your first time?” Yuuya had asked when Shun had fumbled with his belt.  Shun wasn’t quite used to removing someone else’s clothing yet.

           “No,” Shun muttered.  His tone was enough to end the topic then and there.  He didn’t want to go into detail.  Not now, not when Yuuya looked so much like Yuuto.

           Yuuya was quiet for a moment before he finally confessed, “This is my first time,” he said it shamefully, as if it were something to be ashamed about.

           To be honest, Shun admired it.  He wished he had waited.  He wished he had been stronger against temptation.

           “Please be gentle,” Yuuya pleaded.

           Shun nodded.  He could do that for him.  He owed the boy at least that much.  He kissed the boy, starting from his jawline down further and further.  He felt Yuuya shudder.

           “If you aren’t ready, it’s easier if we stop now,” Shun said.  He was hoping Yuuya would want to stop here.  He didn’t have the strength to stop on his own and he knew he would regret this.

           “I’m ready,” Yuuya said; his voice confident.

           Shun continued.  He was as gentle as he could be.  All the years he spent trying to survive a war had taught him how to move carefully because any wrong move could cost him everyone he had left.

           He enjoyed every sound Yuuya made underneath him. He even sounded like Yuuto, if he closed his eyes he could pretend he was.  Yuuya gripped at his shoulders, moaning with every movement.  Shun knew this was wrong.  In the heat of the moment, with Yuuya trembling under every touch, he wanted to pretend it was all okay.  

           When Shun climaxed, he called out Yuuto’s name. The word fell out so quietly, he had taught himself to keep quiet, he couldn’t afford the risk of anyone hearing him. Even as quiet as he was, Yuuya could still hear the other boy’s name.  He stiffened, becoming quiet.

           Shun could feel the regret in his stomach brimming over.  He pulled away, giving Yuuya space.  Yuuya turned away, curling himself into a ball.  He could feel the tears beginning to form in his eyes.  He felt vulnerable and used.  He felt dirty; the thought of what just happened made him feel sick.

           “I’m sorry, Yuuya,” Shun murmured, “That wasn’t fair,”

           “I’m not Yuuto,” he choked out.  The words burned his throat.  His voice was hoarse but not from his tears.  Hearing it made him feel worse, shame burning his eyes. He let Shun use him.

           “I should have stopped,” Shun said, he put his head into his hands, “I didn’t mean to use you like that,”

           “You did, you used me,” Yuuya cried, “How could you? How could you look at me and pretend that I was Yuuto?”

           “I’m sorry, Yuuya.  I really am,” Shun apologized.

           Yuuya was quiet for a moment.  Tears streamed down his cheeks, he had been so stupid. He felt so sick, how many other people were using him too?  Sora had used him, Shun had used him, Reiji was using him, who else was there?

           “Did you love him?” Yuuya asked quietly, “Or were you just using him too?”

           Shun was silent before he finally confessed, “I love him, he’s my best friend,” the boy sighed, “I used him too.  I never loved him in that way, but he was always there and I got too lonely.  I became desperate,”

           Shun began to explain the whole story to Yuuya. He wondered briefly if Yuuto was listening too.  He explained how hard it was growing up in the ruins of a warzone.  He explained that he had been the eldest survivor and he had taken on the role of a leader.  

           “I was the eldest.  I was only thirteen when we were attacked; I was still just a little boy.  I had to become a man on my own.  There was no one I could talk to; no one I could ask when I had a question.  I had feelings and urges, like most boys my age. I ignored them for the most part,”

           Yuuya could understand how hard that was.  His father had left too soon, leaving him with so many unanswered questions of his own.  He had to go to Yuzu’s father every time he needed something.  He and Yuzu had used each other’s parents for support; they’d tradeoff for a day every other weekend. Shun didn’t even have that.

           Shun continued to explain that having Ruri was a good distraction.  He took care of her before himself.  She’d take out her frustrations on him.  Shun laughed a hard laugh as he explained that she was never afraid to tell him when he was being stupid.  She was good for him; she kept his head on straight.

           When she was gone, he had lost it.  All the anger, fear and frustration that had built up overtime all came to the surface.  His rage was unmatched.  He knew he was so close to hurting someone.  Shun explained that after three days of futile searching, he had lost his mind. He looked everywhere only to find nothing, no clues or anything.  He couldn’t even find one single hairband left behind.

           Yuuto, he had always been there for him.  Shun remembered that he had returned to find Yuuto alone.  Yuuto had noticed that Shun had snapped.  Shun remembered watching it register in Yuuto’s eyes.

           “It was wrong,” Shun muttered, turning his head away in shame, “I knew it was wrong, but he was right there and I was so angry.  I was angry at everyone, Academia, my parents for leaving us alone, myself and Yuuto. He was right there and I was so desperate.  He was so tempting, I couldn’t stop,”

           Shun explained that Yuuto had seen how much of a mess he had become.  He had watched as Yuuto’s eyes softened.  He explained that Yuuto had begun to remove his clothes, removing his shirt as Shun watched with curiosity burning in his mind.  Yuuto had lain back on the small, makeshift mattress, tempting Shun.

           He had called out to him, asking him to let go for one night.  He asked Shun to release his frustrations and take them out on him.  He asked Shun to take him on that small mattress.  Shun’s curiosity and desperation took over.  He explained that it was messy.  It had hurt, but it had felt so good.  

           Shun’s voice begun to waver as he continued.  He explained that he regretted it the moment it was over.  He explained that he felt dirty for using his best friend in such a way when he knew he didn’t love him that way.  Shun explained that he had known that Yuuto had liked him for years but he had ignored the hints.  He didn’t want to ruin his friendship over something so complicated when he knew he could never return the feelings.

           “I knew it was wrong.  I couldn’t even look at him when it was over.  I couldn’t look at my reflection for two weeks,” Shun murmured, his voice on the edge of crying, “That didn’t stop me, though.  I kept going back.  I kept going back for more, and he was always so generous.  I knew I was just using him, but I couldn’t stop,”

           Yuuya was quiet as he took it all in.  His heart ached with the other boy’s feelings.

           “I’m sorry Yuuya, I don’t want to hurt you too,” Shun murmured, “I’m sorry Yuuto, I’m sorry I took advantage of you.  I’m sorry I just can’t love you the way you want me to,”

           Yuuya watched as the older boy stood from the bed.  He watched as Shun trembled from his regret as he dressed.  He watched Shun leave; the boy hesitated in the door for a moment before leaving.

           Yuuya sat alone in his bed.  He processed everything Shun had just confessed to him.  He could feel Yuuto’s soul in his heart.  He could feel the pain that Yuuto felt when he had heard the truth.  Yuuya knew that Yuuto had known the truth for a long time, but he chose to be ignorant and enjoy the bliss of having Shun so close and so warm.

           He didn’t sleep that night.

           When he and the other lancers met up the next day, Shun avoided him.  He stood on the other side of the room, away from everyone.  Yuuya tried to catch his eyes but the boy refused to look at him.

           They listened as Reiji explained the plans for the day. Yuuya had trouble concentrating, his heart was torn.  He carried two souls with him.  Yuuto was heartbroken, and Yuuya could feel the pain each time he took a breath.  He wanted to listen to Reiji, but the constant pain made it difficult.

           Part of him wondered if he only liked Shun because of Yuuto.  Looking at the boy now, as he stood across the room, he could still feel it.  He could still feel that same strange yearning in his heart to be held by the older boy.  He wondered which heart was the one that desired that.  Was it his heart or Yuuto’s?

           Where did he end and where did Yuuto begin?

           That night, he found himself in Shun’s arms again.  He knew it was wrong.  He knew he shouldn’t delude himself into thinking he and Shun were anything more than what they were.  Yet, when he had Shun so close, he didn’t care.  He’d play pretend forever, no matter how dangerous this game got.


End file.
